Addy's Story Part 6: Something's Wrong

If you missed any part of Addy's story, click HERE to catch up.

And now… as the story starts winding down….  or beginning...
Part 6: Something's Wrong…

So as the week went on, we noticed that Addison could sleep…. Boy, could she sleep…. But really, who complains about a sleeping baby?  We began to jokingly call her the Narcoleptic Baby… did we think anything was wrong?  No.  We (hubby and I) discussed calling the doctor but felt sorta stupid.  All babies are different, right?  No one-size-fits-all mold? We also thought calling the doc would jinx it… that Addy would then become colicky and never sleep… who wants to chance that, right??

So let's make that Lesson Number 1 learned…. don't ever worry about feeling stupid with your question.  Call. Even if you're a parent of 8… when you get that "feeling", call.  Don't ignore it.  Don't let pride and the I-can-handle-it get in your way.

Not that calling would have done anything.  But we'll never know, will we?

So anyhow, it's Thursday, September 13.  Addison must really like her Ducky pacifier, because the sore on her chin still hasn't completely healed. See it? (This picture just looks creepy anyway...) Mental note: she can go to bed without her ducky, and if she does have her Ducky, don't wrap it in the blanket with her so her mouth moisture creates a blister.  Yep, mental note.

I was at the kitchen table, working.  Yep, working. Guilty.  Working.  Resting? No. Working.  Like I said before, new job, new pressure, new expectations and I wasn't strong enough to say no and just Let it Go.  I had to handle it all… I had to keep everything functioning smoothly…. Notes, lessons, videos, whatever.  Gotta keep everyone happy. Yep, Codependency 101…

Addison was in her bouncy seat, sharing a HUGE kitchen table with me.  No, she wasn't going to bounce off and no I wouldn't have left her there to go use the bathroom or anything, she was just sitting here, chillaxin, taking it all in.

Then she started choking. Almost like the little cough you do when you choke on your own spit… you've never done that, you say?  Liar.  You know what I'm talking about.

Tiny little choking sounds.  Color was normal… I grabbed her up, weird sounds stopped.  Put her down…. a few minutes later choking sounds…. that was weird.  Ok, so it's the bouncy seat… every baby is different, right?  No bouncy seat for Addison, nope.  Don't know why but she doesn't like it.

I'm not sure how the rest of the day went or if she ever did go back to that bouncy seat.  I just know she looked unhappy and pitiful in it.  Just not right.  But not "not right" enough for me to think anything was abnormal.  She's a baby, and they're all different.

So either I picked Bryson up from school or someone brought him to me, not sure… all I know is I was alone with all three… and tired…. and all I could think about was if my students had whatever lesson it was they needed to have for the next day or this or that, and probably a gazillion other things… overwhelmed doesn't even begin to describe it.  I thought I was going to lose it.

What did I do? I asked God for help.  Asked him to take it away.  Told him I didn't know what I was thinking with three…..

I immediately took it back. I was just overwhelmed… new mommy again, jeez how guilty would I feel if something happened to one of them after I just asked God to relieve me?

Famous last words.

Guilt doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about that innocent prayer. Be careful what you wish for, right? Guilt.

Big. Huge. Guilt. Regret.  Anger.

I got my head screwed on straight after that.  Hubby came home, we gave Addison her first bath, thinking that might help her some… she just seemed a little fussy.  Maybe she had the tummy issues like Abigail did.  Dunno.  Just seemed fussy.  But not "abnormal" fussy.  Every baby's different, right?

How was I?  Physically, I was a little sore. I had a few other pregnancy "annoyances" that made life miserable, but I was surviving. Emotionally? Wondering what I just got myself into with the new job and child number three, not to mention all the other things going on with my family.  Pressure is probably the best word I can use to describe it all…. lots and lots of pressure.

I stayed up until about 4 in the morning holding Addison.  Seemed like every time I put her down she got fussy, like gas pain or something.  I gave her Mylicon… not sure if it was helping, but when I held her she settled right down and went to sleep.  That was fine because I had plenty of schoolwork to do.

Yep, still doing schoolwork now.  Everyone's asleep and I'm working on lesson plans… and lessons, and tests, and everything under the sun. Work-a-holic?  Yep.  That's ok.  I claim it.

Friday morning, September 14…..  I feel awful (impending doom?)  I went to bed around 4 and it's 7, so I should feel awful. My other "issues" were bothering me to the point of tears… time for me to call the doc and ask for help. I'm hurting, and a little pride is not going to stand in the way of getting relief. What do I have that a doctor hasn't seen, really? So I make an appointment for 2pm. Ahhh.  Relief.  I feel relieved just knowing I have an appointment.

My sitter/best friend arrives. She immediately picks up Addison.  She opens her eyes and we grab the camera… and catch an open-eye picture. Remember, she sleeps all the time and barely has her eyes open.  Beautiful, isn't she?  This is my last live picture of my daughter.  Does she know she'll be dead in less than 24 hours? Does she know it's her "time"? She looks peaceful, doesn't she? I think she knows….

The phone rings.  It's the pediatrician's office.  They need to reschedule my two-week appointment because something with one of the doctors or something.  I don't know.  We reschedule or shuffle or whatever it was they wanted.  How's the baby, the nurse asks?

Well….. I hate to complain…. but she SLEEPS.  A LOT.  Like a LOT LOT. More than the other two. Is this normal?

She asks a few questions… how much sleep, how much formula is she getting, etc. She calls me back after consulting with the doctor.  Their verdict?  She's not getting enough calories… we think she isn't eating enough and therefore isn't getting enough energy to keep herself awake.

That makes sense.

So they say wake her up every 3 hours and offer her food instead of waiting (at most) 5.  Unwrap her, wake her up.  Whatever it is I have to do.  Keep track of it and if her sleeping/eating and bring her in Monday if there's still no difference.

Sounds good.

So I bundle up Addison and head over to the doctor's office.  While there in my little exam room, she makes this weird cough and spits up.  Well that's new.  Uh-oh.  Do I have a puker on my hands like Abigail?  I'm a little embarrassed because I only have one bib with me (who forgets an extra bib?).  So what do I do?  Flip it over.

Doc comes in.  He oohs and ahhs over Addison (yes, he washed his hands).  The nurse oohs and ahhs and coos and whatever other sounds you make to a newborn.

My baby disappears while I'm getting checked out.  She's in good hands… they're playing pass the baby.  Not a problem.  I'm a proud, tired mama. Doc checks me out, gives me a prescription, and we are good to go.

I pick up Bryson from school, and head home.  There's a package hanging on our doorknob, and it's a beautiful baby blanket from my sister-in-law.  She's in charge of the niece/nephew blanket.  That's her thing.  Any new children come along, and Jade gets the blanket.  She picks the greatest blankets and cute embroidery. I wish I could show you a picture of the blanket... but the only one I have does not have a live baby in it.

It's going on 4:00, just about time for my friend to go home (she was watching Abigail).  Addison needs to be changed, and of course my friend wants her "Addy time".  We head to the changing table and go to change her diaper.

We unsnap the onesie. Unwrap the diaper.  There's blood in it.

Oh my God.

Something's wrong.

Stay tuned for Part 7: Hospital or Not?